Guy im dating is not expressive

My boyfriend and I met five months ago on a dating app. We started going on dates and built a foundation of knowing each other, which was important because we were quite literally strangers. Each date, each interaction inched us closer together. Two months in, we discussed our feelings and desire to be with each other in something exclusive, that allowed us to explore commitment— a real relationship, but one that wasn’t prescribing meaning. No, we talked about how relationships need room and freedom to naturally evolve. It’s been wonderful and real. We have always felt comfortable with each other. From our first kiss, he later confessed that it just felt right: intuitive and natural and effortless. Our sex life has been great and we’ve discussed how that physical intimacy had always been good and easy.

Two days ago, he told me that he thinks we should break up. He isn’t certain that he is falling in love with me, because every time he gets close to that feeling, it seems to go away. It reaches a plateau. I was blind-sighted by this, not just because I was happy, but because I felt that our relationship has been so comfortable, safe, and healthy. We talked about it, how his last relationship was also his first, nearly a decade ago when he was in high school, and how this doesn’t feel like that.

I was ready (though very saddened) to accept this as our ending, until I asked him: “when was the last time you liked me the most?” I thought he would say it had been a long time ago. Instead, he said that he felt that way on our second to last date, two weeks ago when he visited me in my hometown over the holidays. After that time, we texted each other consistently. When he saw me in person after, on our last date, he said he didn’t feel like it was a Big Moment. I think he thought all the build up would push him into an “intense” feeling of love. Only it didn’t. We had dinner in a crowded restaurant. Our conversation wasn’t the most flirtatious. The most intimate moments happened later that evening, at my place. So, he seemed to make this decision based on a lackluster date.

Knowing that, I told him that I believe he is making a mistake, that he’s throwing away something that has always felt so good and right (his word!) because it doesn’t feel the way love is depicted in the movies. I also asked him, ”Are you really confident this is the right thing to do? Because I’m not— what we have, how safe it feels when we’re together, when we are just getting to know each other, that’s a rare feeling. You have never felt like a stranger to me, even when you were one. Even our ability to have this painful conversation, to find the levity in it, to be kind and patient, that is not something you find everywhere. It’s rare.” He immediately said “No, I’m not confident.” He also agreed that he has always felt comfortable with me. In his words, it’s why he has felt conflicted.

I asked him if he was willing to try, either in scaling back our relationship to something casual, or keeping things as they are, or something in the spectrum of that. I also said that, because I’m applying to graduate schools, I’ll be moving out of his city in a few months. If we have a natural end, I asked, why can’t we see where this goes and try?

He asked for time to think. Of course, I agreed that he should take it. We scheduled to meet later next week, after the long weekend, when we are both back in town. We agreed not to text during these days apart.

I guess, I’m wondering, what can I do now? How do I move forward and prepare myself for any of the possible scenarios that may arise? I don’t want to convince someone to stay if he really wants to go, but his willingness to talk and to take the time to think and to meet with me again feels important too. In my gut, I feel like this relationship is a good thing. So, I don’t want to abandon it without trying, but I also don’t want to overextend myself. What is the healthiest and kindest and bravest way to see this through?