What does intj mean on dating sites

By: Corrina Horne

Updated December 08, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Nicole Gaines, LPC

Dating is, in and of itself, a challenge. Dating certain personality types, though, might prove far more difficult than others-and far more rewarding than others. One of the 16 personality types described by the Myers-Briggs test, the INTJ personality type, is in the minority within the human population due to a unique combination of attributes. Only 1-4% of the population fits the behavior and personality traits linked to INTJs. So what exactly is it like to date an INTJ personality?

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What Characterizes the INTJ Personality?

In the Myers-Briggs system, there are four different categorizations, with two possible ways of processing. These include Introvert/Extrovert, Intuition/Sensing, Thinking/Feeling, and Judgment/Perception. Although the differences between introversion and extroversion are largely known, and thinking and feeling can easily be perceived, it is the intuition/sensing and judgment/perception pairings that are often more difficult to understand, and often bear a greater weight when determining what a person's type is.

The difference between intuitive personalities and sensing personalities is primarily how people perceive and understand the world around them. Someone with a sensing personality (xSxx personality types) will rely more heavily upon his or her senses to take in and process information. Someone with an intuitive personality (xNxx personality types) relies more on patterns and big-picture thinking, which relies far more on intuitive responses, rather than readily observed sensations or experiences.

The differences between judgment and perception personalities are similar, in that one is more easily observed, and one is more obscure or abstract. Judging personalities (xxxJ personalities) have strong, conclusive beliefs and ideas about themselves, others, and the world, while people with perception personalities (xxxP personalities) allow for far more nuance and openness in their beliefs and understanding of things. Just as each of the other personality functions operates as opposites, essentially, the judgment and perception types might be at odds when forming their ideas.

An INTJ personality, then, is a combination of being introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging. When combined, these traits can often seem almost contradictory in nature, as many people consider being intuitive an emotional trait, whereas INTJs place greater emphasis and importance on thinking through things and operating through their mental state, rather than relying on emotional states. INTJs are called the "Architects" in the Myers-Briggs system, as they are historically associated with people who bring about large-scale change, or individuals who worked to challenge established systems.

How Conclusive Is Myers-Briggs?

Myers-Briggs is an oft-relied-on personality test, but is not a conclusive science, nor is it a test 100% backed or supported by any psychologically governing body. Instead, the Myers-Briggs assessment is a tool designed to help individuals better understand themselves, including their motivation, behavior, wants, and needs. Myers-Briggs is not intended to replace medical advice, nor is it intended to function in the place of a psychological exam or psychological treatment. The Myers-Briggs is a personal personality tool created to instruct and expand your understanding of your traits, rather than being any form of treatment regimen or exact science.

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How Are INTJs Different from The General Population?

INTJs are different (and in the minority) because they possess traits that seem to be at odds with each other. INTJs are laser-focused, but also imaginative, logic-based, but also creative, and curious, but also decisive. This personality type defies many of the stereotypes often associated with each of their traits, which makes both finding them and understanding them difficult and infrequent. While some would consider this a boon, some might also consider being such a strong personality minority troublesome or problematic, as understanding them-in friendship, workplace relationships, familial relationships, or romance-can prove challenging, or even overwhelming.

INTJs typically value their privacy, and rarely offer any information about their lives or inner workings that is not considered necessary or relevant. This can also distance them from the general population, especially in an age of social media and what may be seen as a constant stream of oversharing. While many people are all too happy to provide constant check-ins, photos, and descriptions of their days and lives, INTJs are more likely to keep everything close to the belt.

Feeling types as a whole are more commonly paired with intuitive types, too, which makes the combination of an INTJ's thinking and intuitive functions an interesting one. INTJs are more analytic in their thought processes, but are more than capable of taking intuitive leaps, and are often found reaching the correct answer-or an incredible solution-to a problem, without precisely accounting for every step they took to get to the crux of the issue. This ability is, in part, the reason for labeling INTJs "architects" within the Meyers-Briggs system, as INTJs can construct enormous frameworks for problems and issues that are sturdy and, often, infallible.

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Dating and INTJs: When the Two Intersect

INTJs are not frequently associated with dating and romance, as many INTJs do not consider romance a high priority in their lives. While many other types are romantics at heart, INTJs are far more likely to see relationships as a perfunctory obligation-at least until a significant and powerful connection is made. INTJ men and women value intelligence above almost all else, so dating is highly unlikely to be driven by the standard physical attraction and is far more likely to occur as a mental attraction between two people of similar intelligence, or with similar interests.

Dating an INTJ often means dating someone who is fiercely independent, and who does not place a high premium on sharing or functioning as a single unit. Instead, an INTJ is far more likely to seek out a partnership with equal footing, wherein both partners have an equal say in decisions and discourse is far more of a friendly, lively, spirited debate than a simple back-and-forth, give-and-take type of conversation.

INTJs are notoriously distasteful toward small talk, so dating an INTJ can at first seem intimidating; rather than engaging in a hefty amount of superficial discussion, INTJs might want to immediately dive into more complex subjects, ranging from personal baggage and needs to current events, politics, and world problems. This does not mean that INTJs are not interested in getting to know other people; on the contrary, INTJs are interested in getting to know the core of a person from the outset, rather than engaging in social pleasantries prior to actively getting to know someone they are considering as a romantic partner.

Challenges of Dating An INTJ

For some, INTJs appear too aloof, distant, or cold for dating. Because INTJs generally place more focus and importance on thinking through things and engaging in rational thought, rather than relying entirely upon emotions in a romantic relationship, they have a reputation for being cold in romantic partnerships. Although most INTJs would argue this is not true at all, getting past an INTJs seemingly cold exterior does require some time and effort-time and effort that someone interested in casually dating might not be willing to put forth.

INTJs can be extremely straightforward and matter-of-fact, which can hurt people's feelings-especially when romance and intimacy are involved. Although not all INTJs are tactless in their delivery of the truth, most INTJs do value authenticity and honesty, and are unlikely to lie or "fudge" the truth to spare someone's feelings or preserve a relationship. For this reason, people who are sensitive to criticism, extremely concerned about what others think, or prone to people pleasing rather than being straightforward might find dating an INTJ a nearly impossible task.

INTJs absolutely must have trust in a relationship. Communication is essential in any relationship with an INTJ. If you struggle to communicate openly, consistently, or honestly, you will likely struggle in a relationship with an INTJ. Relationships are not regarded as emotion-based systems, but are instead viewed with the same practical, methodical lens as everything else, so there is a strict set of expectations placed on both the INTJ, themselves, and the INTJ's partner.

Benefits of Dating an INTJ

Perhaps one of the greatest benefits of dating an INTJ lies in the INTJ personality's ability to be and preference for remaining independent. INTJs are unlikely to dive deep into codependence or other unhealthy behavioral patterns within a romantic relationship and will work hard to maintain independence and their own separate identity. This can remove a lot of the pressure and stigma associated with dating.

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INTJs, as mentioned above, are straightforward. While it can be problematic, it can also be one of the best attributes of an INTJ, as you will never have to wonder where you stand with your partner, or where they stand with you. INTJ communication is usually strong and unflinching, especially with someone they love, trust, or respect.

Your life will never be boring with an INTJ. Because INTJs value knowledge and insight, they are constantly searching for new things to learn, new perspectives to understand, and new ways to solve problems. This means that your INTJ will likely have a myriad of stories, experiences, and ideas under their belt, and conversation is unlikely to ever grow old, stagnant, or uninspired.

Dating An INTJ

Although dating an INTJ can be difficult, it can also be immensely rewarding and beautiful. One of the most important aspects of dating anyone is cultivating the ability to set aside your ideas for a moment to understand the wants and needs of others, and taking time to understand how your INTJ partner works are likely to prove valuable to you both.

If you find that you are struggling in your relationship with an INTJ, despite the two of you loving one another immensely, you may want to consider bringing in an outsider's perspective through therapy. A therapist can help the two of you bridge any communication gaps you might be experiencing and improve your relationship through improving communication. A therapist, such as those found on ReGain.Us, might also be able to provide new and unique ways of understanding and appreciating your differences, to truly celebrate your relationship, rather than resenting it.

Dating an INTJ is unlikely to be a quick, unfulfilling experience, but usually involves plenty of time, intensity, and even some confusion as you learn how to communicate with and function alongside someone whose thoughts, behaviors, and ideas often seem contradictory. With time and attention, many men and women have found that a relationship with an INTJ is fulfilling if challenging role and have come to appreciate all of the things that make their partner unique.